Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize