please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is Oprah even human
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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