I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize