im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
