This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
