i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
