omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
