Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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