So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
