She is in my trunk
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
