Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Boobs speak an international language.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
