I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
