Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
