Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
