this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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