but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize