I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize