am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
