So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
