i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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