She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
