Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
