Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
