The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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