Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
