You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We left the knife in your bed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
