K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
