I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize