i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
