apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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