i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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