Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
