Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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