I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
