is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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