I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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