4 words: hood of his car
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize