So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
