Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
