I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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