remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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