I puked a lego.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I believe in your delicious
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
