I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
