you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
