it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Found the puke drawer
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize