drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
