I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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