the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
