I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
How naked do you want me to be?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize