i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm really into asian looking animals
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
