Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
