the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
