ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
