My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
