I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
