he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
did i walk over a car last night?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
