i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
