No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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