I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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