Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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