I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
