I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
