I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
