i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
