A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
