I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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