i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
