I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
