I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
