ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
