meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
