nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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