I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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