Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
