I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
