I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize