Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
