wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
