Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We were destined to go to rehab together
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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