I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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