On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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