yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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