Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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