i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
