I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
