I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
