I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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