I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
