i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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