oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
