u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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