wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
