whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
