Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
