You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
