In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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