He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize