so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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