Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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