theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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