hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
