But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
