just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize