I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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