They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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