oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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