look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
