Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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