the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
