nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
