I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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