I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
