there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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