someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
