my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
People in love make me want to vomit
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
