We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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