I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
