So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
